Letters
by M. Scott Eiland
Summary: A group of friends gather to say goodbye in an unusual way.
1. Prologue

Summary: A group of friends gather to say goodbye in an unusual way.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters portrayed here, they remain the property of their respective owners/creators.  
  
Rating: PG-13, for themes.  
  
Time Frame: Five days after the confrontation with Glory in "The Gift." (spoilers).  
  
Archiving: Be my guest, but e-mail me (eilandesq@aol.com) to let me know. . .I like to know where stuff I write ends up and I might want to see what else you've got.  
  
  
LETTERS  
  
  
Prologue  
  
  
It was just after dark in the Oakwood cemetery, where very few people would be foolhardy enough to be at a time when vampires were free to roam about and add to the all to many graves neatly lined up on the grass and beneath the trees. The medium sized group of figures walking towards a grave nestled beneath a small group of willow trees was not challenged, however, and they reached their destination without any unexpected delays.   
  
Willow, standing at the front of the group, turned to Giles and nodded, and the Watcher walked forward and placed the brass receptacle that he had been carrying with infinite care onto the grave itself, pausing a brief instant to read the inscription on the tombstone again before quietly turning and returning to the rest of the group.  
  
Willow smiled at Giles, then nodded to Tara, and the two witches stepped forward, walking to opposite sides of the grave, then walking in a circle, scattering colored sand and chanting softly in Greek. At the moment they completed the circle, the receptacle flashed brightly, then faded, though a soft white glow remained around it. Tara stepped back, and Willow reached into her sweater and pulled out a sealed envelope, which she placed carefully in the receptacle before turning, nodding at the others, and stepping back, careful not to disturb the circle.  
  
One by one, the others carefully stepped forward and placed their own sealed envelopes in the receptacle, then stepped aside for the next person in line to do the same. Dawn, her eyes still dull and her body visibly thinner from the aftermath of the confrontation with Glory, went last, and a tear fell from her eye and landed on the grave before she turned and rejoined the others.  
  
Willow smiled sadly at Dawn, then nodded to Tara, and the two witches stepped forward and knelt in front of the circle and began chanting again, this time in Latin. They continued for five minutes, then stopped, and when they finished there was a moment of absolute silence.  
  
  
. . .to be continued  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



	2. Part I: Willow

Part I  
  
  
WILLOW  
  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
  
Hey. . .if this works, you'll be getting a bunch of messages pretty soon, and you'll probably be wonder what in the heck's going on, assuming that you're not too busy playing the harp or doing whatever it is that you do in heaven, so I thought I'd go first and give you the rundown on how we did this.  
  
When you saved Dawn, you left a lot of us with things we wanted to say to you before. . .something happened that made it so that we couldn't. We were too busy to really get around to that, and that bothered me. . .and what good is it being a witch if I can't figure out how to get around little problems like death in communicating with my best friend? So Tara, Giles and I did some research, and we came up with this. If we did it right, you should receive the messages that we place in the receptacle, in the order we placed them there. . .if we did it wrong, you probably won't read this anyway, so I'm not going to waste any more time worrying about it. . .anyway, that's the deal, and now I'm going to say what I need to say.  
  
I understand, Buffy. . .you were ready to give up when I found you hiding inside your own brain, and the only reason you came back at all was to save Dawn. . .how cruel it was when it turned out that Dawn might well have to die to prevent the end of everything. I have to believe that you were warning us for our own good, that you were afraid you'd hurt us if in the thick of things you thought one of us was trying to kill Dawn. You made sure the choice was in your hands, and I never had any doubt that you would make the right decision. You saw a chance to give up your own life to save someone you loved, as well as the rest of us, and you took that option without hesitation. . .I see it as a blessing that doing so lifted your burden as well as did your duty.  
  
When I met you, I was a shy, scared girl who was terrified at the thought of my best friend finding out I was in love with him. . .never mind how scary the thought of what has happened in the years following would have been. You accepted me for what I was, and shared your dreams and fears with me, and I am eternally grateful that I was there for you while you went about the business of facing horrible things on a nightly basis to keep all of us alive.   
  
We both know it hasn't been perfect. . .there have been times when we both have listened less than we should, and failed to offer comfort where it would have been most welcome. . .but I treasure our friendship and what we have done with it as much as anything else in my life, and I hope you feel the same about it on your side. . .Tara is well now, and I know she has her own message to you, so I'll let her say it on her own. . .but as I close my eyes and think of how much joy there was in my heart when I realized she was all right, I see your shadow, watching over both of us and blessing whatever future we have together, whether it be long or short.  
  
May you find happiness that the burden of your duties denied you in life, Buffy. I love you.  
  
  
Willow  
  
  
  
  
  
. . .to be continued  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



	3. Part II: Gunn

Part II  
  
GUNN  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
It's weird writing a letter to someone you've never met, though I've heard enough stories from Angel, Wes, and Cordy to have a pretty good handle on the backstory. . .but when Angel explained about this ritual, I knew that I had to pass this along to you, for whatever it's worth.  
  
I've been helping Angel and the others out for most of the last year. . .it's been pretty rocky at times, and we've almost bought the farm a lot of times. When I met them, I wasn't too impressed. . .I had been fighting vamps with my crew for months, and a vampire and his two sidekicks fighting for the good guys wasn't exactly something I was ready to accept at face value. I was wrong. We may have come at it from different places, but we were fighting for the same thing. . .so that people could walk down a street at night without being made some demon's midnight snack, and I've learned a lot from them in the past year. . .and I'd like to think that they've learned something from me.  
  
When Willow came to give us the news, we all hunkered down and talked, and I was amazed at just how much you have affected the lives of the people I've been fighting with: you know the stories, so I won't repeat them here, but I will say that it's pretty clear that none of them would be here today without you, and-aside from the whole being glad the world didn't end thing-I'm grateful to you for that.  
  
My sister was turned last year, and I had to stake her. . .if I could have, I would have given my own life to save hers, so I understand what you did and why you did it. . .if you are out there and reading this, then you're probably in a better place right now, and I'd like to think that my sister's there too.  
  
Thank you, and take care.  
  
  
Charles Gunn  
  
  
  
. . .to be continued  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



	4. Part III: Anya

Part III  
  
ANYA  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
When your mom died, Xander and I went to meet Tara and Willow so that we could go over to the hospital to meet you, and everyone was very upset. I was still trying to understand things, and I managed to offend Willow into yelling at me. . .I just didn't get why things had to be that way, that someone who had been alive and vibrant and beautiful at one moment could just be gone at the next. My memories of being human before D'Hoffryn found me are, for all intents and purposes, gone. . .all I know about being a human being is what I have learned since my amulet was destroyed, and it's been a struggle. . .and seeing you die hasn't made it any easier for me. . .it still doesn't make sense.  
  
There was a time that I cursed your name, and those of your friends. . .my entire existence was transformed by my simple act of granting Cordelia a wish and the aftermath of that action. Things changed, of course, and I found that one of you was the person that could give my new existence meaning and hope. . .you do know I mean Xander, right? Silly question. . .anyway, I know how important you have been to Xander. . .I've always been a little scared that you might decide that you had been wrong not to want him all of this time (I mean you should have just kissed him sometime. . .he's got the most fabulous. . .oops, sorry, that's not appropriate, is it?. . .oh, well), and that you'd wiggle your little finger at him and he'd go running to you. . .and I don't know what I would have done.  
  
That never happened, though, and I've come to realize just how important you've been to making Xander the man he is today. . .the kind of guy who would charge in to fight a troll fifty times as strong as him because people he loved needed him, the kind that would propose marriage at a time when the apocalypse was nigh not because he thought the world would end, but because he was sure that it wouldn't. Xander is my life, and I wouldn't have him if it hadn't been for you. . .so I want to say something that I don't say very often: thank you.  
  
I guess I don't have much else to say, except that I'll take care of Xander, and try to help him do whatever he needs to do to honor your memory. . .running away from danger came naturally to me after I became human again, but I'm done running, and I owe that to you as much as I do to Xander.   
  
  
Anya  
  
  
. . .to be continued  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



	5. Part IV: Cordelia

Part IV  
  
  
CORDELIA  
  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
  
Wow. . .I never thought that I'd be writing a letter like this to you. . .as happy as I was that you kept the world from ending and all, I pretty much assumed that once I left Sunnydale that I'd never see you again, though I have to admit that knowing that you were back there stopping apocalypsy things from happening made me sleep a lot easier at night. Still, though we were mostly civil to each other by the time I left, you probably didn't spend much time thinking about me, and I know I didn't think much about you, except of course when my boss wandered off to Sunnydale after Doyle had a vision, and you came back here to yell at him. . .but you know all of this, so why dwell on it?  
  
We were all shocked to hear what had happened. . .everything was so quiet in the last year as far as Sunnydale news went, except for finding out that Harmony was a vampire. . .that was creepy, and I definitely was a bit too Pollyanna in dealing with that whole mess. . .oh well, you've met Harmony in both of her lives. . .you don't need me to tell you about it.  
  
I've changed a lot in the last two years. . .having to deal with mind-numbing headaches that pass on news of impending horrors is bound to make you think about your place in the universe. . .and it's also made me appreciate all that you've gone through over the years. You think you've got your life figured out, then some bigshot Power That Be dumps the fate of the world on your doorstep, and it just won't do to decide that you'd rather be at the latest sale at Nordstrom's rather than stopping a horde of slime demons from overrunning Glendale. . .you know the drill.  
  
Wesley's changed a lot, too. . .I know that you'd be happy for him, since you always did have a way of forgiving people that have been less than kind to you when they come through. . .I should know.  
  
We all took the news of your death hard. . .we had just come back from doing some real good in another world, and Willow sitting there in the lobby with that sad look on her face shook us up badly even before she told us what had happened. . .Buffy, I have memories of Dawn going back almost to the time you arrived in Sunnydale. . .it's creepy to think that none of those memories are real, but I know that you and Joyce loved her (and, if you're reading this, still love her) and I always thought that she was a great kid. . .just the kind of girl that could benefit from a bit of guidance from her Auntie Cordelia. . .and maybe now that guidance will do her more good than making sure she knows the best place to shop for party dresses. I'm going to make sure we all stay in touch more now. . .losses like what happened to you are awful, but maybe we can use it to make sure we become closer. . .we're in a dangerous business, and the more mutual support the better.  
  
Angel's had a rough year, Buffy. . .I know he'll probably talk about it himself in his letter, so I won't elaborate, but I'm sure that knowing you were still out there fighting for the things that we all believe in was a source of strength to him, and hearing of your death devastated him. . .Wesley, Gunn and I will have our work cut out keeping him level over the next few months. . .but we will manage it. . .I know that you would expect it of us.  
  
Take care, and make sure to take the time to look good in front of all of the other blessed souls up there. . .being a hero is no excuse for letting yourself go. . .*kidding*!  
  
  
Thanks for everything,  
  
Cordelia  
  
  
. . .to be continued  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



	6. Part V: Tara

Part V  
  
TARA  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
It's hard to believe that it's just a little over a year since we first met. . .and weird to remember that when we did you were temporarily residing in Faith's body. . .I thought my life was strange before I met Willow, but it's taken leaps and bounds into Strangeland since then, and I'm just glad that I've managed to make it this far, and oh how I wish you could be here too.  
  
I won't waste time describing what it was like after Glory brainsucked me. . .suffice it to say that it was awful. Willow has told me everything that happened while I was insane, and how I wish I could give you a big hug and cry about how grateful I am that you kept Willow's plan of vengeance from leaving her insane or dead. . .but life has been a little too cruel to allow that, so I have to content myself with thanking you here.  
  
Buffy. . .finding Willow has been the salvation of my life, but it wasn't that long ago that you held my life in your hands. I had nearly gotten you all killed, and my father had just told you that I was a demon. . .most people would have turned their backs on me at that point, and I wouldn't have blamed you if you had. I know that Willow still loved me, but you could have decided that I was no good, and the others would have followed. . .even Willow, I suspect. You stood firm, though, and I owe every good thing that has come into my life since then to that act of compassion. . .the brief period of anguish that followed recently is trivial by comparison. I wish more than anything in the world that I could have done something to prevent the horrible events of a few days back, and I hope that you can forgive me for being the one who-however inadvertently-caused them to go into motion.  
  
Buffy, I'm scared. . .the powers that Willow has tapped in order to secure Glory's defeat are so immense. . .I've talked to Giles about it, and he's worried too. Power of that magnitude tends to impose costs on its wielders, and I'm terrified at the thought of losing Willow to darkness, as you lost Faith not so long ago. I can't guarantee that I'll be able to save her, Buffy. . .but I swear that I will give every last ounce of my strength to try. . .not just because I love her more than my own life, but in memory of your generosity and courage.  
  
I think you know how much I love Dawn: we've always gotten along well, and she needs friends more than ever in this sad time. . .we'll all be there for her, and I hope that we can make her understand what made you act as you did, and to understand that leaving her was a sign of how much you love her, and how much confidence you had in her ability to go on without you. . .if we have anything to say about it, she'll grow up to be a confident, powerful woman, proud of her heritage and her family. . .particularly her sister.  
  
Farewell, my friend.  
  
  
Tara  
  
. . .to be continued  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



	7. Part VI: Wesley

Part VI  
  
WESLEY  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
While I share in full measure the overwhelming grief that the others have felt since hearing the news of your death, I must confess that my primary emotion at this moment is not grief, but sheer disbelief. Perhaps it has been the constant lethal danger that I have seen Angel undertake since I began working with him almost a year and a half ago, but I had come to think of him as far more mortal and vulnerable than you. . .ironic indeed, given the historical lifespan of Slayers and the sad news which has caused me to write this letter to you.  
  
Buffy, after I left Sunnydale, I only saw you that one time when Faith had come to town, and only for a few moments, but it meant quite a lot to me that, even when you were angry and preoccupied, the look you gave me was not the one of contempt that my actions on behalf of the Council had earned me when we both were in Sunnydale, but rather of acceptance and respect. When I came to Sunnydale, I believed that you were a stubborn young woman who had been the victim of less than adequate supervision and the beneficiary of more than her share of luck. I was wrong, and you spent the entire time of my stay in Sunnydale proving it to me over and over again. While it has been my time working with Angel that has restored my dignity and self-respect, and that has allowed me to finally start doing the good that I dreamed of accomplishing during my adolescence, it was the time when I was your Watcher-in name if not in fact-that taught me the lessons I needed to learn before I could benefit from my work with Angel. . .and for that I owe you, Mr. Giles, and your friends a debt of eternal gratitude.  
  
Buffy, your time as the Slayer has demonstrated that the bonds of personal loyalty and the strength gained from individuality have benefits that substantially exceed those gained from following the old teachings of the Council. The Council has grown set in its ways and must be influenced to change, for the sake of us all. I have come to admire Mr. Giles greatly, and I know that he will give greatly of himself in order to try to promote change from within, if he possibly can. Though I remain estranged from the Council, I am not without contacts and resources that can be brought to bear. . .this is a worthy cause, and you have illuminated the path of reform. . .I will not rest until the lessons you have taught me have been learned by the Council as well.  
  
Safe journey, Buffy Summers.  
  
  
Wesley Wyndham-Pryce  
  
  
. . .to be continued  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



	8. Part VII: Spike

Part VII  
  
SPIKE  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
You're laughing at me right now, aren't you? That night in the alley, when I was taunting you with how one day you would be desperate to die. . .wondering if you'd enjoy the moment when it finally came. . .how sweet it must be for you to know that it is me who is sitting here, trying to find something meaningful to say in this bloody letter that I'll be putting on your grave and hoping against hope that I won't destroy the whole occasion by breaking down sobbing like an infant while the others leave their messages. . .Congratulations, Summers. . .you finally got me.  
  
I wish I could believe that, Buffy. . .I wish that I could believe that somehow you intended for this to blow up in my face, to leave me and my ineptitude against that bastard Doc as the cause of your death, and for me to be shunned by the Niblet and all of your friends as a miserable waste of undead flesh and tattered clothing. . .not even worth the trouble to stake. But I know better. . .you invited me back into your home and trusted me with a job that was terribly important to you, believing that I would give my life to perform it if need be. I would have. . .you have to believe I would have, but I failed. Perhaps it would have been better if the others had blamed me for failing, for making you do the job that I hadn't. . .but no one said a thing to me. They just looked sadly at my pitiful self and walked away. . .even Harris. Willow and Tara have been watching me. . .think they're afraid I'll go out and kiss the sunshine. I won't. . .I still have a promise to keep, and I'll keep it until I'm dust, no matter who I have to kill to do it.  
  
Buffy. . .with all of the unsettling and perverse emotions tied into my feelings for you, there is one question that I have never seriously tried to sit down and answer before. . .why did I fall in love with you . . .why will I always love you? I suppose it would be easy to attribute it to the obvious things: your grace, your spirit, the way you fight with every ounce of strength within you. . .and, of course, your beauty, which will be the last thing I see whenever I close my eyes from now on, if I live to be ten thousand. . .but I'm certain that, at the core, it isn't any of those things that made me fall in love with you. It was looking at you and seeing the brightest light and the uttermost darkness, both within you and visible to anyone who knew how to look. . .and seeing you hold that darkness down every day that finally got to me, I believe. Even with Joyce dying, I believed that you were going to hold on, to prove me wrong. . .and if living had been the only way to save the world and the Niblet, I believe that you would have lived, no matter the burden you had to bear.  
  
I was telling you the truth, at least as I know it, about the other Slayers and what caused them to meet their ends. Placing the fate of the world on the shoulders of a young girl, then depriving her of most of the consolations that make life in this unhappy world bearable, is a cruelty that would make even Angelus shudder, love, and I hope that wherever you are that you can confront whoever decided how things were going to be and use some of that determination and fire that I came to dread and love to make them justify themselves. For everything you've done, you deserve to know that much.   
  
Buffy, if you're reading this, you're probably wondering if I'm going to backslide into my old ways with you gone, and I want to promise that I won't, that your memory alone will suffice to keep me fighting with the White Hats until the bitter end. . .but I can't, and you're too clever to believe that sort of blanket promise anyway. We both know that at my core I am evil, and the urge to do evil will always be part of me, just as it is for Angel-soul or not. I can tell you this, though. . .for the first time in my unlife, there are a lot of reasons for me to want to do good, and I'm going to try my utmost to listen to those reasons, for the sake of the Niblet and. . .I can't believe I'm saying this, your friends, who were always interesting enemies and will make good allies in the days ahead. You invited me back into your life just before you left mine. . .and I'm going to do my best to prove that you were right to do so.  
  
  
All My Love,  
  
  
William  
  
  
. . .to be continued  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



	9. Part VIII: Xander

Part VIII  
  
XANDER  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
  
Well, here's something where asking myself "What would Buffy do?" isn't going to be any help. . .I've got to figure out what to say to one of my two best friends. . .my hero. . .the person without whom I would be just another footnote in the Sunnydale obituary files. . .the person whom I can't imagine what it would be like to live without. . .but I have to, so here goes.  
  
When I look back at the time I've known you, I can't really get a handle on it all. . .it's just too much. . .I tend to see it in flashes, and I know that in a lot of those flashes I remember being scared. Yes, scared out of my mind and wanting to run away and never stop. . .but I didn't, and I'm pretty sure that it was knowing you were out there that made the difference for me, even in the cases where it was you who needed help. . .I craved your strength. . .I needed it. For a while, I thought that need meant that I was in love with you, and if somehow we had wound up together, I'm sure we would have been happy. . .but that wasn't it at all, Buffy. You had become the standard by which I measured my existence: helping you, protecting you when you needed it, even covering for you when you couldn't be there. . .it was how I gave meaning to my life where there had been no meaning, and for some time that was enough for me.  
  
This year has been different. While I am still proud of the help that I have been able to give to you, Willow, and the others, I've managed to build a life for myself outside of the whole saving the world thing, and I'm proud of it. . .I've found something I'm good at, found a woman that I'm head over heels in love with, and I can actually conceive of a real future for us. Though living that life means, in a way, moving away somewhat from the life that I've lived with you for the past five years, I owe it all to you, first and foremost, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that, not even if this letter went on for a thousand pages.  
  
In trying to deal with what went down with you and Dawn on the tower, I played the "What would Buffy do?" game in my head again, and. . .I understand why you had to be so harsh with us, Buffy. Deep down, you knew that Dawn didn't have to die, and that you would give your life for hers. . .but if any of us had known that too, could we have stood by and watched you die? I don't know. Dawn's like a kid sister to me, origins be damned. . .but I don't know if I could have stood by up there and watched it happen. . .you did the right thing, keeping us out of it. . .when it came down to it, it was meant to stay in the family.  
  
I know you gave Spike the job of keeping an eye on Dawn, and-for what it's worth-I think that he'll do his damnedest to keep her safe. . . but I hope you won't mind if I sign on for that job too. . .when I stopped Angelus from visiting you in the hospital, he mocked me by calling me your White Knight. . .I tried to be that to you, Unfortunately, I guess even White Knights can't always protect their queen. The princess still lives, though, and I promise you that I will be as loyal to her as I have tried to be to you.  
  
  
Be safe, Buffy. . .and rest easy.  
  
  
Xander  
  
. . .to be continued  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



	10. Part IX: Giles

Part IX  
  
GILES  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
My nightmare has come true after all of these years. . .the day has come where I must gaze at the headstone that bears your name, and know in my heart that all of my efforts to keep you safe have been in vain. I should have realized that you would find a way to save Dawn, and I am not surprised that you willingly laid down your life to that end. I have no doubt that the old fools on the Council who read my report will conclude that you were indulging a death wish brought on by the horrific stresses that have been placed on you in recent days, but I have no doubt that if you had been unburdened by events outside of the momentous decision that you made, you would have acted in exactly the same way. . .you've been betting your life in order to secure the safety of innocents since before you ever set foot in Sunnydale, and I only regret that you finally had to pay the price.  
  
After you went up to rescue Dawn, I knelt next to Ben and smothered him with my bare hands. . .I know why you couldn't kill him, Buffy, and the impulse that stayed your hand was a noble one, but I had to make sure that this particular threat did not resurface. . .I regretted the necessity, though Dawn has indicated that he was actively cooperating with Glory by the time we attacked. . .extreme duress can make most of us do things that we'd like to think we wouldn't do, and I hope that Ben's spirit can find peace freed from its unholy prison with Glory. Buffy, our experience with Faith proved that the principle that a Slayer must not take helpless or innocent life is a sound one, and I was only too glad to accept that burden. I admit that in the back of my mind I was afraid of what you would think of me when this whole disaster was over, though I would have accepted your harshest condemnations gladly if it meant that I could see you again.  
  
At the time that Dracula showed up in Sunnydale, Buffy, I was about ready to fold up my tent and go home to England. . .you had grown so much over the past four years, and I was confident that you could go on without the then minimal help that I was providing you with. . .but you came to me in your hour of need, with the laudable goals of making yourself a better Slayer and dealing with your dark side, and I was simultaneously relieved at finding a reason to stay and very proud of you for your dedication. Without your hard-earned advances in strength and skill, along with the contributions of the rest of the group, our efforts to stop Glory would have been in vain.  
  
I am unsure as to what the future holds for those you have left behind, Buffy. The Hellmouth remains as a threat, and the Council apparently has not received word of a new Slayer being activated: it is possible that another will not be called at all until Faith dies, which may not happen for quite a long time, as she is far safer surrounded by the dregs of society than she would be almost anywhere else that is not protected by bars and concrete. I am certain that the others will continue to fight the darkness, as will I, but it may well be that our efforts will be in vain. . .though it will not be for lack of trying. . .of that I am also certain.   
  
We have yet to hear from your father, but we will all share the responsibility of taking care of Dawn at least until he does return. . .and if he doesn't have a damned good explanation for staying out of touch this long, I will make sure that Dawn ends up with someone who cares about her. . .you have my word on that.  
  
When you arrived in Sunnydale, I told you that it was my job to teach and to guide you in the performance of your Slayer duties. . .I never expected that I would learn as much from you as you did from me. . .my life would have been far less rich without you in it, Buffy, and living life without you is going to be the most profound challenge that I have ever faced. . .I hope that I can live up to the great gift you have given to all of us by meeting that challenge directly, head held high, facing an uncertain future.  
  
  
Affectionately,  
  
  
Giles  
  
  
. . .to be continued  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



	11. Part X: Angel

Part X  
  
ANGEL  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
  
We all have moments that are central to our existence. . .moments that we remember with the clarity of seconds before even with the passage of decades or-in my case-centuries. Seeing Willow sitting there, waiting for us with that terribly sad look on her face, was one of those moments for me. . .I knew what she was going to say, and the only thing left was to find out the details.  
  
You won't be shocked to hear that my first reaction was to blame myself for not being there to help you. . .as determined as we were to stay apart for everyone's good, we both remember that the first time I caught a hint of you being in trouble, I immediately came back to Sunnydale. . .and the impulse to do it again never completely left me. After a fair amount of breast-beating, I processed what Willow told us all and I realized that the extra help that I and the others could have provided wouldn't have made a difference in the end: fate had decreed that you would die saving Dawn, and apparently fate had gotten sick and tired of you sticking your thumb in its eye. . .though you went down fighting, which didn't surprise any of us who have known and loved you.  
  
I know the last year has been crushing for you, with every conceivable force apparently conspiring to make your life hellish. I'm sorry I couldn't have been there to make things easier for you in some way; sadly, my state of mind during much of that time made certain that I was a burden, not an asset, to those around me. . .I'm just grateful that I recovered my balance quickly enough to at least be there for a brief time after Joyce's funeral. . .I hope that small gesture from me made some kind of difference in the end.  
  
The news about the changes to Spike hit me completely out of nowhere. . .I always knew that Spike, for all of his cruelties over the years, had a strong romantic streak that caused him to act in unexpected ways. . .but I never would have expected him to fall in love with you, though perhaps I should have in retrospect. Young William was lured by Drusilla with promises of grand adventure and great things, and the vampire he became kept some of that idealistic streak on some level. . .which explains how a soulless vampire could want to stop the apocalypse. . .and how he could fall in love when Angelus never could. I fell in love with you at first sight, Buffy. . .it shouldn't be shocking that Spike, after watching you for years, could find that he too was drawn to the truly remarkable person that you are. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that he still faces an uphill battle: our recent experience with Harmony has reinforced the lesson that a soulless vampire will always face a powerful pull to do evil. However, we both know that Spike can be terribly stubborn, and seeing that stubbornness directed at staying on the side of light is a remarkable thing to see. . .if he does stay reformed, you will have contributed to not only wiping out part of the legacy of my evil, but actually turned it into a force for good. . .and I will be terribly grateful to you for that.  
  
Dawn's a wonderful young woman, Buffy, and knowing that my prior memories of her are only figments of some dead monk's imagination does not change my opinion on the subject. Losing both you and Joyce has been horrible for her, and I know she is full of doubts right now. I will do what I can to help her, and I know I speak for Wesley, Cordelia, and Gunn when I say that they will be there for her as well.  
  
Buffy. . .a year and a half ago I gave up a second chance to live life as a human because I believed that staying that way would hasten your death. A small part of me feels like a fool now for having done that, now that it appears to have been in vain, but I know I made the right choice. . .not just because I wanted to be able to protect you, but because my abilities have proven indispensable over that time in doing the work that we do in Los Angeles. . .five years ago, I saw you outside Hemery High and you inspired me to make a difference in this world. . .that legacy lives on after you, and I will keep on trying to make it one that is truly worthy of you.  
  
  
Good-bye, my love. May your rest be peaceful, and our memories of you never grow dim.  
  
  
Angel  
  
  
. . .to be continued  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



	12. Part XI: Dawn

Part XI  
  
DAWN  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
  
I should have lied to them.  
  
When I walked down the stairs, still in shock from what I had just seen and heard, the others asked me what happened, and I told them everything. . .stupid of me. I could have made up a story about how I was cowering up there, and that you had figured it out and jumped after passing on your message. . .why did I have to tell them that I was ready to jump myself?  
  
I want them to hate me, Buffy. . .because of me, they've lost their best friend. . .the love of their lives. . .the closest thing Giles had to a daughter. . .their hero. I could have lied, and they would have hated me, or perhaps pitied me. . .the poor little transformed ball of energy that thinks she's a person, and who just lost her sister. . .poor pathetic Dawn.  
  
But I didn't lie, and now along with the sad, comforting looks and hugs I keep getting from them, I see them looking at me. . .thinking that maybe I have some of the answers. We both know that I don't. I didn't offer to die because I was being noble, Buffy. . .I offered because it had to be done, and I couldn't live with the thought of everything ending because of me. Why didn't you let me do it, damn you? You were the hero. . .I'm just the one who reminds them every day that someone played with all of your minds, and that the cost was their dearest blood, spilled on the ground of some sorry excuse of a construction site.  
  
They're all putting on brave faces for me, Buffy. . .but I can see it in their eyes: they're all shut down inside, even worse than when Mom died. . .it's like knowing you were there kept a light shining inside of all of them. . .when you died, it killed part of them, too. . .and I'm terrified that nothing I can ever do will begin to make it even remotely better for them. . .I'm not you.  
  
Dad still hasn't been heard from. . .at this point, it seems only fair that he shouldn't come back. . .his daughter is dead: I'm just a figment of someone's imagination that he inexplicably has had to pay child support for. Maybe I should want him to come back and take me away from here. . .but I'm not sure I can bring myself to leave this place. . .to stop walking by that construction site and staring at that place where everything changed forever for all of us.  
  
You told me to live my life. . .fine. I'll live my life. . .I'm going to figure out some way that I can help the others. . .I don't care if it's witchcraft, or computers, or any other weird thing that I can learn that will let me fight evil with the others. . .and I'll walk right over any one of them who tries to stop me. I'll fight with every last bit of strength within me. . .then when the inevitable happens and I die, I'm going to track you down and kick your ass for leaving us like you did. . .don't laugh at me, I mean it.  
  
I hate you. I love you. I miss you.  
  
  
Your sister,  
  
  
Dawn  
  
  
. . .to be continued  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



	13. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
  
The receptacle began to glow more brightly, illuminating the group of watchers who silently waited to see what would happen. Abruptly, the glow seemed to implode, rushing into the stack of sealed letters and causing them to shine as brightly as the sun for an instant, temporarily blinding all present.  
  
When the light faded, and everyone had recovered their vision, the letters were gone. The receptacle sat there quietly, waiting for the next time it would be used for such a momentous occasion.  
  
Giles quietly walked over and picked it up, then walked away as the others followed, headed for the Summers house, where they would talk about the person that had touched all of their lives so profoundly. Dawn moved over to Willow and walked beside her as she asked, "Do you think it worked?"  
  
Willow looked over and replied quietly, "I don't know, Dawn. . .it seemed to work correctly, but there's no way to really know. . .we just have to have faith that she did get the messages, and that she's all right."  
  
Dawn nodded thoughtfully, then followed Willow out of the cemetery. The tear that Dawn had shed earlier glistened on a blade of grass on Buffy's grave, then dried. Abruptly, another tear appeared on the grass, then another, then another. The sound of what might have been soft crying was obscured after a moment by a strong breeze that blew the circle of sand away from the grave, and left it as it had been before the mourners had gathered. . .except for the three silver tears that silently acknowledged the final messages to a hero.  
  
  
As always, comments are welcomed and desired  
  



End file.
